listening: mogwai & sigur ros
@: work
suddenly i've realized that there are a few things poking around my life that i need to straighten up. reclaim, if you will.
i think it will start with a bit of self time (unmitigated self time). a few hours here and there where i am fully functioning mentally and physically while engulfed in entierly my own persuits. even with the advent of claiming my own space i still feel stretched thin... i tend to feel guilty when i take too much time for myself, it's as if my gut tells me that i'm neglecting someone or something.
i've given much thought to balance and how to accomodate a balanced life, but i think balance is bs. it is about compromise. making compromises with different parts of your life so the most needs are met. then again, why must we think about a whole person as having different parts? compartmentalizing the human soul and mind seems rather counterintuititve and oppressive. perhaps, it isn't about recognizing your life as parts (work life, love life, family life) but letting them bleed together and infect each other. i imagine these are the most successful, happy people, those who have no lines drawn.
i have a bit of shedding and rebuilding to do. i am feeling better most days. still, i have stopped writing, i feel angry most days, and frustrated. i also can't fight feeling old. i'm only 23, but i feel tired.
on a positive note, working with my students is the best part of my day.
i think i might need a wes anderson film. ;)