i am sitting at our kitchen table table watching mpg secure our doors and windows.

lock out.

cage in.

"we have to be pragmatic about it, but we can't let the what-ifs, the this- that -and- the other things freak us out about everything, ya know?"

yeah, i know. i know that we now have two extra metal locks on our front door. our window lock that was destroyed has been replaced by two 'extra' secure bolts and held shut by physics--two wooden dowels. i know that we had the police on our front doorstep, and paroling the neighborhood looking for a person wearing a dark red jacket. i know that he nor i want to leave the house alone. i know that we should always answer the door when it rings to make it clear that we are home. i know. i know. i know.

i can't stop picturing what could have happened: if i were home alone, if i were in the shower and didn't hear the person breaking in, if i had gotten up and answered the door, if i had tried and gotten a closer look at the person- not just their dingy red coat. if neither mpg nor i had been home, what then? we would have been cleaned out.

i feel violated. i feel angry.

i see his red coat. i visualize him stalking the property. i visualize him putting all of his weight into prying the window open. i visualize him running away when mpg caught him and as i was on the phone with 911. did you know that your mobile goes into emergency mode once you've dialed that number? after, all i could think about was the commercials for brinks home security-- the one where the lady is calling the police from inside her dark home at night after the burglar sets off the alarm. and now i don't want to go home. i don't want to be alone in my house.

i suppose this is the modern age. this is the big city. this is it.

i guess i am more aware of what i have always felt; i am afraid of humans.

Dear Today,

1) Please do not snow.

2) Please allow for my misdonations to Goodwill to be found and returned.

Thank You!

Sincerely,

Erin